In the Parlance of Our Times

What I remember most about being a new parent - and what I was totally unprepared for - was the unsolicited advice that came at us from every direction. Every problem we had was our fault and if we only did what THEY did in a similiar situation we wouldn't be in this mess.

Parents today have all the same problems we had, but now they're also being subjected to advice about high-tech toys. A recent Boston Globe article (featuring advice from Matt Damon's mom, no less) warns of the dangers of raising your children with high-tech toys. High-tech is an all-encompassing term in this article and seems to apply to nearly any toy with a battery. (Can you say "EZ Bake Oven"?) Teachers are getting in on the act, too, with an 8-page Toy Action Guide including two pages of examples of toys to avoid.

To make matters way, way worse there's even a new term to describe a condition your child might end up with if he/she plays with high-tech toys too much: compassion deficit disorder. Scary sounding, isn't it? And remember, it will be ALL YOUR FAULT.

Now don't get me wrong. I think a lot of the toys listed in the Toys to Avoid list are junk, too. My own kids wouldn't have had much use for many of them. Sure, they may have played with them for a week or a month even, but then they'd end up at the bottom of the toy pile. It was the toys that they could mold to the play at hand - the Legos and the Playmobil, the dolls and stuffed animals, the trucks, the art supplies, the dress-up clothes - that got used for years and years. Some are still in our basement, and I've been warned they are not to thrown or given away. Ever.

But let's get real, shall we? Nobody's kid is going to turn out to be an axe murderer because they were given a Baby Einstein video for a Christmas present. If the toys we give our kids to play with could so easily determine the type of adult they grew up to be, don't you think we'd have already figured out which toys to give them to make them all happy, productive members of society?

So let's all take a deep breath and relax. Get your kids the gifts you know they will enjoy. And take notes, so that in twenty years you'll be able to tell the next generation of parents what they're doing wrong.