welcome to
THE OFFICIAL
INTERNATIONAL
SKEET ROCK
HOMEPAGE
Origins of Skeet Rock
Skeet rock is almost certainly the oldest organized sport in known history (see Foucault, Aristophanes, Homer, Duchamp, et.al.).
Cave paintings from Southern Europe show the earliest evidence of skeet rock--prehistoric humans found refuge from the gore and ennui of mammoth hunting (an activity which remains the single best conditioning exercise for skeet rockers) by engaging in games of skeet rock with fellow hunters.
Skeet rock was an important part of the Mystery Rituals of the god Pan in Ancient Greece. While other Greeks were engaging in athletic competitions they viewed as "refined"--discus, javelin, pedophilia--initiates in the Cult of Pan escaped to Mount Helicon to gather sacred stones. Skeet Pan festivals were held at various temples along the coastline of the Corinthian Gulf; according to Herodotus, it was customary to eat roasted goat and drink unmixed wine from human skulls before engaging in skeet competition.
Statue of Superiorosis Latinius Poeisis, martyred Skeet Rock Gladiator (riding his turtle Petrarch)
The Romans originally built their coliseums to hold skeet rock tournaments. Wanderers in the Roman Forum can still find many a skeet rock, carved from good marble. Certain Roman historians recount grisly skeet gladiator matches and one obscure text links the stoning of Christians to a skeet rock game gone bad. As the legend goes, the greatest skeet rock gladiator in the whole Roman Empire--Superiorosis Latinius Poeisis (see above), an outspoken Lutheran--inspired the wrath of Nero, who ordered his own gladiators to turn on Superiorosis at the end of a fourth consecutive undefeated season. Luckily, his turtle escaped unharmed.
During the Dark Ages of Skeet Rock (from 23 A.D. to 2001 A.D.), we have no evidence of Skeet Rock, a reminder of the depths of that period's barbarism and bad taste.
In 2001, the modern inventors of Skeet Rock revived the noble and ancient traditions on the shores of Lake Superior at Grand Marais. Recent Skeet Rock competitions have taken place on Lake Mendota (Madison, Wisconsin) and Aliki, Thassos (Greece). ESPN and VH1 have recently joined forces to produce a docu-drama, "Skeet Rocking Through the Ages," to be co-narrated by Robert Pinsky and Barbara Walters and released in 2008.
Click Here to see Modern Skeet Rock Hall of Fame and Inventors Gallery
Basic Techniques of Skeet Rocking
Dangers of Skeet Rock
In certain parts of Wisconsin and Minnesota, unorthodox skeet rockers play a dangerous bastardization of the game called "Norwegian Skeet." In this version of skeet rock, the puller stands in the middle of a circle to launch his skeet while all other players then attempt to hit the launched skeet. This has resulted in numerous injuries and one reported death--Green Bay Skeet Rock Champion Hans Booben Schnippen was killed on July 12th, 2004 in a ferocious match of Norwegian Skeet. Do not attempt this at home.
View from inside the Dantesque Circle of a game of Norwegian Skeet.
Vocabulary of Skeet Rock
Under construction
Skeet: a rock thrown, well...at another rock
All Skeet: when this is declared, players may throw a handful of skeet at once, thereby increasing the (theoretical) probabilty of hitting the target
Skeet Arm: a painful condition afflicting the throwing-arms of skeet rock players
Skeeter: a skeet rock player in training (typically a toddler)
Click Here to see Photograph of a "Skeeter"
Plooge: the sound a skeet rock makes when it hits the water
Plooge Wake: the profound splash produced by a falling skeet rock
Plooge Wake
Skeet Rock Theory
Some say there is no theory to skeet rocking. Someone, no doubt, begs to differ....
[Coming soon.]
A Wintry Skeet Rock Ditty by Robert Frost:
PLOWMEN
A plow, they say, to plow the snow.
They cannot mean to plant it, no--
Unless in biterness to mock
At having cultivated rock.